It was rewarding and creative and exhausting. It was nice to have that little bit of extra income to help pay for holiday gifts and curriculum, too. Homeschooling never seemed to be enough of a task for a variety of reasons that are too complicated to include in this short post. Suffice it to say, I have allowed myself to fall victim to guilt for working outside the home and shame for not working outside the home. Ah, the energy I have wasted allowing these feelings to color my self worth. But, again, that's not why I am writing today.
By the time we moved I was looking forward to a bit of time when my sole focus was on homeschool. No pressure to finish before class or rehearsal. No trying to plan a lesson for the college class when Brice wanted help to paint. No sewing costumes during Math. No grading research papers instead of taking the kids to Park Day.
So, now the house is pretty much unpacked. The kids are settled into their routines. Our days are seldom too busy to handle it all. We are not rushed. I can give undivided attention to anyone who needs or wants it. It is a gift. And has the potential to allow the kids so many more learning opportunities...time for rabbit trails...time for field trips...time for changes in plans if something isn't working.
There is the potential, too, to care for myself. I finally have time, if I choose to use it.
Experimenting in the kitchen.
Time with Todd.
Time with grown-ups when I am not in charge.
Now that I have time, I have to resist outside obligations that suck up that little bit of self care opportunity I have missed for so long. So, my schedule is evolving.
Time will tell what I actually allow myself to get away with.