21.5.800 21 Day Challenge Day 4

http://binduwiles.com/buddhism/my-new-project-21-5-800/

Tonight's post is only a partial bit of my 800 words. When I read the verse below, I had in mind to write about thoughts we have that manifest into character; things like secret racism, negative self-talk, expectations of ourselves and others that are too low. As I began to write, I bypassed my intended topics and skipped right to the heart of the matter...something that has been swimming around my brain for awhile...something that I need to work through alone. So, I will share what I am comfortable with, there may be some abbreviated posts coming up in the next few days. I'll be sure to get back to my rose-colored writing soon!!

Intimacy

In recent reading I was struck by this Buddhist verse:

The thought manifests as the word;

The word manifests as the deed;

The deed develops into habit;

And the habit hardens into character.

 So watch the thought and its ways with care,

And let it spring from love

Born out of concern for all beings.

What struck me most was that the thought became the character in the end. This verse has been a meditative point for me for several days. What do I think that makes me who I am? What do I allow my children to think that will shape their character? What do I think of others that causes me to act in ways that change them or myself?

As a child my sisters and I were not allowed to say that we were bored. My mother always taught us that we were in control of our boredom and able to find ways to entertain ourselves, to stimulate ourselves intellectually.  I cannot speak for my sisters, but I live by that belief effortlessly today. There are times that I have difficulty not keeping myself busy. I packed six bags of books, embroidery, art supplies, and yoga mats for our summer stay. I have already been to the library here and have downloaded several books on my computer. I have plans for a garden and a few art and photography projects beginning to take shape. The thought has certainly developed into habit. I would venture to say that those who know me well would say the thought has hardened into character.

Yet, I wonder sometimes if the thought of being in control of my own boredom has developed into the habit of avoiding my own thoughts? As I looked over the writing I have done this week I found little with which I struggle. I certainly don't struggle with anything that requires medical or psychological help. Even my thoughts on fear were superficial. I have begun to wonder this week if I allow myself to think about things that truly stick in my soul.  Do I avoid intimacy with myself and does that manifest into deed, habit, and character?

I'm not looking for some serious problem and I am thankful for my life as it is and my state of mind. I just want to make sure I'm not overlooking something because I have a feeling this personal lack of intimacy, if it exists, may be effecting my relationships with others...