Sunday, June 20, 2010

21.5.800 21 Day Challenge Day 13

Do I Dare?

I looked back over my writing and decided I have a good life. Even the heartaches and fears have worked themselves out. I don’t know if that is due to luck, attitude, or ignorance. Whatever the cause, I have a safe and happy existence. In this moment, I have decided to take a look at thinks I won’t do…things I might really want to do…do I dare?

I want to get a tattoo
I want to travel to Greece
I want to be a roadie
I want to take a picture of myself and post it to the blog unedited
I want to have more children
I want to learn to drive a tractor
I want to take an art class
I want to live in an RV for a year and travel around the U.S. homeschooling the kids
I want to become vegan

These are in no particular order, except as they popped into my head. There are none that surprised me. I have thought about them all before. In fact, I have thought about each one of them just enough that these are the things I think might be doable one day…things that are possible.

Obviously I can’t do them all and I think that the list will grow and change over the years. Some of these things can’t be done now…maybe some can be done tomorrow.

Things that are within my power today: tattoo…picture…veganism

Tattoo…what scares me?
I am afraid that I will want it to be gone someday. A friend got a tattoo last summer in a very conspicuous spot. She is happy. It scared the hell out of me because I began thinking about making that decision myself. What would I get and where? How do you make such a permanent decision?
Do I dare? Not yet. I am still undecided on this one.

Picture…what scares me?
I am sometimes afraid to open myself up for judgment. Those who know me well know a bad picture…a bad hair day…a fat day…and they know a good picture…good hair days…and ok with who I am days. I have had little trouble sharing my inner most feelings on this blog during this challenge, but I am unable to share a picture.
Do I dare? Maybe. I will try.

Veganism…what scares me?
Nothing. I am certain that it is the right thing for me…for my conscience and my health. I want to allow my decisions about food to reflect my beliefs. I guess I hesitate out of selfishness and habit. I love cheese. I want cream in my coffee. Can I forgo these things?
Do I dare? Yes. I think it is just a matter of saying yes.

I can say yes to at least one uncomfortable thing. I can say maybe to others. But are these really daring? No. What do I truly dare to do?

Do I dare to stand up for what I believe? Do I dare right a wrong? Do I dare risk imprisonment or ridicule for civil disobedience? I want my children to know I am willing to take a stand. I want them to have the confidence in their own beliefs to enable them to take a stand of their own.

What do I dare that can change the life of another?

We have taken our children out of public school because we feel this will change their educational experiences for the better. We are willing to risk negative opinions of others to do so. We are willing to take a risk financially so that I can stay home with them until they are grown. But, it is easy to take risks for one’s children. Would I take such a risk for someone else’s child?

We have adopted three times, each time with the risk of a birthparent deciding to parent the child. We have gained so much from this risk, but would I take such a risk without such a possible reward?

Do I dare give of myself when it means risk to my own comfort?

I would like to say that I would be ready to take a seat on a bus, to walk in a protest, to trust someone who may not be trustworthy in the name of helping humankind. I have never been in this position. Sure, I have given money to NGO’s to help in Haiti. I have bought jewelry from Bead for Life. I have given of my time at Toys for Tots and I have rung a bell our Salvation Army. But, what exactly does that require of me but time or money?

I have not experienced discrimination. I have not experienced abuse. I have not been a victim of crime. I have not been asked to really give of myself in ways that might be uncomfortable? Would I be able to heed the call if it came? Would I dare?

1 comment:

Obaitori Spiritual Mothering said...

A beautiful post, thank you for writing it. You rock! I love your honesty. There are few people who would even think about if they were able to 'heed the call.' You seem like a strong soldier of truth. Katie.