Monday, June 21, 2010

21.5.800 21 Day Challenge Day 14



Permission  
       
There is a writing prompt on another blog today that begins, “I give myself permission…”

I thought about this a bit today and realized that I am constantly evaluating permission for my children. Permission to sleep over at a friend’s, permission to stay up late, permission to watch a movie. It is my job to help them learn boundaries by helping them evaluate boundaries.

In the summer, when I don’t have to rack up homeschool hours, when I am not teaching at the college or directing, it is easier to say yes. My first instinct then is, “yes.” During our school year, often I have to remind myself that a little veering off the path is good. I like to think of myself as traveling down the back road. Even though I try to make sure we are on our own path in life, at certain times of the year I am not inclined to stray from my set course.

But, when do I say yes to myself? When do I give myself permission to do something unusual? Like so many other mothers, I don’t always take the time to evaluate my own boundaries. Are they too strict or too loose? Do I allow myself healthy choices? Not always.

Based on my own convictions about parenting, tonight I am granting myself some permissions…in writing, and with a promise to myself to be consistent in parenting myself.

I have permission to…
…take time each day to write.
...stop at 526 words tonight.
…be afraid at the dentist.
…let my husband sit beside me at the dentist.
…spend money on a new vegetable at the farmers market.
…take a shower every day.
…take a summer vacation.
…let Daddy handle bedtime sometimes.
…go for a walk alone if there’s someone else around to watch the kids
…ignore, “Mommy” when Daddy’s in control.
…invite people into my home when there are dust bunnies in plain sight.
…let my hair go gray
…go without toenail polish in the summer
...in other words, I have permission to cut myself some slack!

I try to me accepting of others’ choices. I try to live by namaste…the light in you is the same as the light in me and we are as one. I don’t always succeed in seeing the light in all people. I am an impatient driver, I am hard on my husband and children at times, and I allow some people to irritate me with quirky personality traits that I may fear to be my own. I am, however, hardest on myself.

I need to appear brave and in control. I want to appear confident when I am not, and happy when I am not. I hate pictures of myself that don’t reflect the image I want to portray. I work hard to appear to be at ease.
Tonight, on this Summer Solstice, on this eve of a new beginning…I give myself permission to be at ease. I give myself permission to be authentic. I give myself permission to say, “yes” and to take a turn or two off course. Most important, I give myself permission to see the light within me…namaste.



4 comments:

Levonne said...

I'm with you. I want to live more authentically and too am taking the risks to do so. If you have time, come by and check out my two blogs: Levonne's Pretty Pics and A Camp Host Housewife's Meanderings. Thanks.

Kimberley said...

Oh yes... permission to just be myself. To honor my own light. Beautifully said.

When my husband asks me how I'm doing and I answer with "calm, cool and collected" he knowsi'mm kinda full of it :o) the real translation is "i'm stressed. My head hurts. I'm afraid to let anyone see me vulnerable"

Kimberley from 215800

momeena said...

Jeannie,

The light in you is beautiful!!! I hate pictures of me too. Mostly I think because the person I see is not the person I feel like I am.

Backroad Mama said...

Thanks Miss Nina...I'm happy to share the same light with you.